Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
