I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
