do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
