I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
