he puts the penis in happiness.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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