he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
