16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
