Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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