I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
