I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
