two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
