My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ttyl tear gas
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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