So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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