She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
