he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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