I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
