He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize