so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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