No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
