Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
