You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
