Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
