what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
