R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
