uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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