new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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