I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
