Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
