Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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