Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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