oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
