Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
