naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
