The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
