You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
