I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
