come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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