For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
