I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
