her facebook's as public as her vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
