eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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