dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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