we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
