I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
