my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
