Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh god the rape fog is back!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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