Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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