I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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