Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
