Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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