Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
