Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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