i don't like sucking hair
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
