Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
